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Spoiler Warning!
This article could contain spoilers! Read at your own risk!


Friday 28th March 

Mick: Bill… Bill… Bill… I'm going to start calling you that from now on.

Masood: Hey, I'm just the messenger.

Monday 31st March 

David: Homework?

Tiffany: Yes.

David: Trainers?

Morgan: Yes.

David: Chocolate that you're not meant to have and I didn't see you taking?

Tiffany / Morgan: No!

Monday 1st April 

Lauren: Ah, the good old mocktail. What happens if you drink too much vitamin C?

Peter: Not that much, buzz-wise.

Lauren: Happy days.

Friday 4th April 

Tina: Check her out. Su Pollard called. She wants her glasses back.

Nancy: Who's Su Pollard?

Monday 7th April 

Ronnie: You want to know what's under that overcoat?

Roxy: I do not…

Ronnie: I've seen him in the gym. Sweaty…tousled….lycra…

Roxy: Ronnie…

Ronnie: Curves in all the right places...

Tuesday 8th April 

Jake: What's her name?

Aleks: She's no one.

Jake: Yeah, right, that'll be why you came in so pleased with yourself?

Thursday 10th April 

Ronnie: Maybe you're better off just being single for a while.

Roxy: And then what? I end up in some high-rise, stinking of cats.

Thursday 10th April 

Lola: Look at me. Everthing I wear is either knock-off or second hand.

Roxy: Come on. Peter wouldn't care if you showed up in a bin bag.

Monday 14th April 

Ian: I'm not in the mood for any more trouble.

Lucy: I'm not here to cause trouble.

Tuesday 15th April 

Terry: Anyone sat here? Or just your pretend boyfriend?

Whitney: He was being a prat.

Terry: Good looking prat.

Monday 21st April

Kat: …If it was me I'd cut it off.

Bianca: And mince it.

Kat: And serve it to him in a bun.

Friday 9th May

Lola: I'm making dinner for Peter.

Billy: Stay there. Let me sort you out with some chips.

Monday 12th May

Carol: Are you eating again?

David: I'm a growing boy.

Monday 12th May

Mick: Don't you think one foghorn's enough in this gaff?

Linda: Are you talking about me!?

Friday 16th May

Sharon: We can pretend we're a couple of teenagers going on our first date.

Phil: Let's not get carried away.

Friday 16th May

Linda: Come on, Mick. It'll really cheer her up seeing your face.

Mick: How many times do I have to say it? I ain't skyping a dog.

Monday 19th May

Tina: Like Dad seriously would have lifted a finger. Didn't want to move away from his crossword more like.

Monday 27th May

Whitney: Something old. That's the first one, isn't it?

Carol: Well that's easy enough, just look at the bride.

Friday 25th July 

Stan: R.U.M. What's it spell?

Shirley: Liver failure. You don't even drink rum.

Thursday 31st July

Aleks: Have you seen Alfie?

Sharon: Hiding behind the baked beans?

Friday 4th August

Alfie: You know what they say about rules. Meant to be broken and all that. 
Aleks: On the contrary, rules are there to be observed. At all times.

Wednesday 6th August

Alfie: Can we go to the chippy first? I'm starving.

Kat: Jealous of my bump or something?

Monday 11th August

Nancy: We should go over there. Stick some manky prawns through her letterbox.

Lee: Pipe down, they'll hear you…

Thursday 14th August

Sonia: So remember, it's carbs before exercise and protein after…

Sharon: I thought it was wine after?

Monday 18th August

Dot: Bianca was a lovely girl, but some of these outfits…They're enough to bring on one of my migraines.

Friday 22nd August

Lauren: Had a quiet night in, did we Dad?

Max: Don't start on me, Lauren. You're the one who came slamming in last night - stomping up the stairs.

Monday 25th August

Terry: She has a point Bianca. Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Bianca: No. But if you bend down, I could look at my reflection in your head.

Monday 1st September

Bianca: How did I end up with such noisy kids?

Whitney: You ain't exactly Tinkerbell yourself though, are you?

Tuesday 2nd September

Kat: Half the food's still frozen.

Alfie: Bianca won't notice. We'll get her on Mo's cheap Hungarian red.

Monday 8th September

Aunt Babe : About as lively as a funeral parlour in here. Someone died?

Nancy : Just Lee's chances of getting a date again.

Monday 8th September

Sonia: You've killed every plant you've ever owned, including the fake ones.

Bianca: I can learn, I'll be like that Charlie Dimmock.

Friday 12th September

Bianca: You're arrogant, you're smug and that hair? You do know it ain't the 80's?

Aleks: Pitch fees.

Kat:You'll get them.

Monday 15th September

Shirley: Speak of the devil. You alright there?

Linda: I've just lost my earring to a urinal cake so you tell me.

Monday 15th September

Kat: Alfie, we're going! If I'm not back by ten I've chucked you for a stripper!

Alfie: Yeah, right. I'm not that lucky, babe!

Friday 19th September

Max: How about pasta? I make a mean spag bol.
Abi: You really don't, Dad.
Lauren:Why don't we order a takeaway,might be safer all round?

Wednesday 24th December

Script Peek

Patrick: "I heard there's free mulled wine."
Denise: "You really don't, Dad."


Monday 26th January

Donna Yates: D'you sing in the shower? Alfie Moon: Yes! I love to belt out a good tune while I'm lathering myself up in the morning.

Thursday 29th January

Mo Harris: Come on, girls! Get your stretchy skirts for a tenner. Extra lycra, cheaper than a tummy tuck.

Monday 9th February

Monday 9th February

Jane Beale: Roses or Gardenias for table centres?

Ian Beale: Whichever's the cheapest.

Thursday 26th March

Alfie Moon: I'm just saying, you know your kiwis from your kumquats. I thought we could help each other out.

Tuesday 14th April

Max Branning: Fix the car Jay. That's what I pay you for. Don't need counselling from a teenager.

Tuesday 12th May

Thursday 28th May

Monday 8th June

Monday 6th July

Thursday 9th July

  • Nancy Carter: Finally got out of your pit then?
  • Lee Carter: I'm not at work 'till two. Sue me if I want a lie in for a change..

Tuesday 28th July

  • Pam Coker: Excellent. Nip home, get changed. Don't want you mucking up your suit.
  • Billy Mitchell: Les said I'd just be blowing up a few balloons.

Tuesday 28th July

Friday 31st July

Thursday 6th August

Friday 28th August

Tuesday 1st September

  • Masood Ahmed: You're always wanted your little boy back haven't you? No life of your own, better take this

Thursday 3rd September

Friday 4th September

Tuesday 6th October

Thursday 15th October

Monday 5th October

Friday 2nd October

  • Tina Carter: Reckon she keeps disguises under her bed? Like, maybe she's a spy and living the life of a domestic drudge has been her cover all along?

Tuesday 5th November

Monday 23rd November

  • Sharon Mitchell: It's what families do, Phil. They sit together. Eat together. Enjoy each other's company.
  • Phil Mitchell: This ain't Little House on the Prairie.

Friday 27th November

  • Tamwar Masood: Oh no. Does that mean they're going to stop posting pics of what they're eating every day? Oh look! A stuffed aubergine. In soft focus.

Wednesday 23rd December

Thursday 24th December

  • Dot Branning: But Mrs Peacock will be expecting me at her nativity.
  • Fatboy: I heard Bethlehem was full of elves and goblins.
  • Dot Branning:: Oh, I say.
  • Fatboy: And Mary. She's into


Thursday 18th February

Friday 19th February

Tuesday 23rd February

  • Kim Fox-Hubbard: I tell you, that looks like legitimate fun.
  • Denise Fox: I wouldn't bounce in that outfit if I were you. Not with children about.

Friday 4th March

  • Ronnie Mitchell: This is the real world, not Honeyland - where love conquers all.

Thursday 9th June

Friday 10th June

  • Buster Briggs: What's the matter? Not got one of your winning smiles for me today?
  • Donna Yates: Nope. But I've got two butt cheeks you can kiss.

Monday 27th June

Monday 11th July

  • Shirley Carter: He wanted me… Buster just looks straight through me.
  • Linda Carter: You and Buster, you’re the big Hollywood romance… you and Phil…

Thursday 14th July

  • Carmel Kazemi: I’m just saying!! Age ain't nothing but a number, is it, girls? I can do things I never imagined in my twenties.
  • Shirley Carter: What like? Knitting? I’m going to the khazi. Them squats played havoc with my pelvic floor.

Tuesday 19th July

  • Phil Mitchell: When did we get so old and useless?
  • Ian Beale: (Of helping Phil) This is me volunteering, Phil. 'Care in the community'. You are my ex step dad. I am a man in my prime, thanks.

Friday 29th July

  • Andy Flynn: Mate. If I wanted to check out your berries – I’d have gone to your stall.
  • Kyle Slater: Best hurry this up. Gonna put people off their food.

Friday 5th August

  • Babe Smith: Oh come on! It was girl talk. Nothing malicious.
  • Linda Carter: You're not a girl Babe, you're an old woman!

Tuesday 9th August

Monday 22nd August

Monday 29th August

Monday 29th August

Monday 19th September

  • Lee Carter: But I've already... (tried asking Jack for mates rates).
  • Mick Carter: But. But. Jack Branning has had a thing going for me ever since I snogged him.

Monday 19th September

  • Linda Carter: This is me ain’t it? Is it me? Is it my fault? Have I turned into my mother?
  • Mick Carter: Oh come on. No. No. Your hair’s longer.

Friday 23rd September

  • Masood Ahmed: Am I insane?
  • Denise Fox: Yes. But you were married to Zainab for thirty odd years. You can get through that, you can do anything.

Thursday 13th October

Thursday 13th October

  • Denise Fox: How can widening my horizons be boring?
  • Kim Fox-Hubbard: You gonna sit at the front of the class, give Jorgen a bit of the old Sharon Stone, eh? That kind of widening?
  • Denise Fox: I’ve told you, it’s not

Friday 14th October

  • Whitney Dean: Why do they call you Moose?
  • Moose: Cos a moose is bigger than a donkey.

(MOOSE winks at WHITNEY. She blushes, a little shocked).

Tuesday 18th October

  • Jack Branning: Oh, here she is, Lewis Hamilton. Best of luck with the test.
  • Kim Fox-Hubbard: Hey D, you got any of those ‘stick your luck up your butt’ cards?

Thursday 20th October

  • Linda Carter: [SINGING] And if that green bottle should accidentally fall, there’ll be no green bottles hanging on the wall.
  • Babe Smith: Oh it’s you. Thought that tom cat was randy again.

Monday 7th November

  • Mick Carter: Here he is, Richard Branson! How’s life in the fast lane, son?
  • Lee Carter: [BREEZY] Yeah – pretty fast.

Friday 11th November

  • Belinda Peacock: Age is just a number. It’s all in the mind.Sharon: And the face, and the back…
  • Linda Carter: [FEELS HER BACK] Oh the back!

Monday 21st November

Monday 28th November

  • Jack Branning: We’ve had mishaps. That rabbit wasn’t a fan… but ultimately, you’re a good person, Rox.
  • Roxy Mitchell: Shut up.

Tuesday 29th November

  • Stacey Fowler: I wasn’t thinking. When I said about underwear.
  • Jane Beale: (Wry) Now I’m out of incontinence pads, sexy underwear might be nice.

Thursday 15th December

  • Phil Mitchell: (Reminiscing) Party hats tore, soon as you got ‘em on. Bad jokes. Here, what does Santa do with fat elves!?
  • Jay Mitchell: Sends them to an Elf Farm!

Thursday 22nd December

Sunday 25th December

Sunday 25th December

(DOT has a little smile at this - the irony)

Tuesday 27th December